Now that I am here in the cave, it has been considerably challenging. My old lower back friend has returned with a vengeance, causing pain to radiate all the way down to my ankle. I had hoped that it would hold off for at least another few weeks since we are supposed to go to Hawaii, leaving in two days. I feel as though I’ve worked as hard as possible to stave off the return of pressure on my spinal nerves and the corresponding pain. The good news is that I am becoming very proficient at incorporating a number of tricks and maneuvers into my daily exercise routine that get my sciatica and lower lumbar region back into place.
Of course, I was unable to get a cortisone injection in just a day or two which is pretty discouraging because it could greatly impact my ability to join in on sightseeing and hiking excursions. It usually hurts emotionally more than physically – especially when I let others down. I’ve always been the strong one – never missing out in completing most everything I set my mind to. I’m afraid that I must sound very selfish. You would be justified to think that.
Gradually, Dan and I are finding that we just need to keep our knees bent. I remember years ago going to Mexico with my kids’ youth group; and the youth Pastor saying that God is not so much impressed with your ability as He is with your flexibility. When we could not complete my life long dream to ski the Haute Route from Chamonix, France to Zermatt, Switzerland, I knew that Parkinson’s would at times be very unforgiving. While we are working on completing our bucket list plans, there will be some disappointments, and yet there will also be those plans that go surprisingly well; and for those I am learning the fine art of gratitude. I think it is one of those qualities that is learned at the helm of a ship named chronic hope. As I gratefully learn to celebrate each small victory, it gradually becomes clear that my hope is rewarded with more hope incrementally.
One of my bucket list items was the desire to enter into my last quarter of life gracefully. At first glance it would seem as though Parkinson’s and graceful are two diametrically opposing words, and yet maybe better than finishing up gracefully, I have rewritten my future plans in order to finish up gratefully with as much grace as possible. I have been blessed with an amazing husband, and my family and friends have been more supportive and encouraging than I could have ever hoped for. My heart aches for people with progressive neurological diseases who have no support and very little hope.
Life is hard – probably for everyone – just in different ways. Maybe we all need a case of chronic hope.
Patti Burnett 